How To Not Completely Fail at Abridging--Part I: The Scripting Process

As you may know, the past couple of weeks me and my group, plus a few tag-alongs have been reviewing fail abridged series. Along the way, I've seen several series that were abject disasters, in terms of writing, editing, voicing, etc, as well as many that were subjectively bad(i.e., I didn't like them, but others might). I've been hit with dozens of suggestions from Skype friends and Youtube people of various degrees of familiarity, and sometimes I'd have to explain why some series work as fails and others don't.

This entire preface is a way for me to prove that my opinion is right or carries more authority. Make of that what you will, but since I have the free time and creative outlet, I'm going to write this guide anyway.

This is...


TRUTHORDEAL'S AMAZING TECHNICOLOR GUIDE TO NOT SUCKING!

The html for this was a pain in the ass, so I hope you enjoyed it.

I consider myself a scriptwriter above all else, so I figured I'd start off here. I'll try not to delve too much into advanced topics of writing(I might make a post about that at some point in the future) and this will just cover the basics.

Like Xagersfeld and Dco before me, I'll post a script of mine below. Except, I'll be doing it as a way to point out the various aspects of fail that I had at that point.

But first, the basics on what not to do when writing a script:

Quote :

while ShadyVox's episode was a carefully thought out, cleverly executed, funny as hell video with tons of original dialog and actual Sonic the Hedgehog sound effects, Psyguy's is more a less poorly executed hodgepodge of voice actors, performing a roar of inane Internet references, one after the other.

1) I'm not taking sides on the matter of references in abridged series just yet. The quote at the beginning is a reference to Psyguy's Sonic X Abridged, which was nothing but Internet references. For the purposes of this post, I will put it this way:

Original dialog=Good.

References=Good.

Overusing references=FAIL!

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Quote :

Abridger X: Hey Truth, mind looking at this script for me?
Truth: Sure.
Truth:...
Truth: Yeah, this is pretty incomprehensible, dude.
Abridger X: Yeah, I wrote most of it last night while drunk.
Truth:...
Truth:*sigh*

2) Don't script while drunk. Yes, this is actually a problem for some people. I'd also avoid doing such while sleep-deprived or sick, but that's not quite as bad.


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Quote :

Don't rely on curse words too much. Yes, things can sound a lot funnier when you make the character curse. But when all the characters are nonstop cursing, it just becomes lame.
-1KidsEntertainment

3) Don't over use swearing, sex jokes, or offensive humor in general. I have quite a few things to say about sex jokes and offensive humor, but those are more advanced, so I'll leave that for another day.

Here's my take on swearing:

-Censoring beeps are funnier than actually hearing someone say "fuck" in my opinion.

-Swearing itself isn't bad(all of us do it, I think) but overusing swear words tends to make them lose all meaning, and all effect. I've worked with voice actors who refused to swear, and so I worked ways around that. And some of the insults, exclamations, etc. turned out to be really funny when saying them out loud.

-Overuse tends to show a lack of original thought, maturity, and an inability to think creatively.


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Quote :

Char 1: do you need help

My char: ya thinks, that one not that one, that one, that one, that one, that one

-Actual script I received.

4) Don't script like that.


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5) Don't script more for a scene than the footage will allow. This is a problem I've had since I started. I'd always want to write a novel on a scene that had two lines of dialog. With better editing, more freedom is given, but it can still get tedious.


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Quote :

And also Johnny Depp is gay.

6) Gay jokes, for the most part, aren't funny. They're immature. That line was taken from LK's April Fool's video, which he was trying to make a point of it as a rather fail abridged parody parody. Meh, meta-anything is confuzzling.


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And now! I shall do a fail commentary on a scene from one of my earliest scripts: Samurai X Abridged, which never made it to completion.

This was the second script I wrote. I had problems with joke stealing, or altering, dialog that just wasn't funny or epic, characters that stunk, etc. It didn't help that I had Ryjacork helping editing with the script either.

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Gentatsu: Ok, guys, the idea is to sneak up on the enemy stronghold and take them out before they notice we're even there.

(lights on building go out)

Gentatsu: Oh goddamit. Who gave our position away? Was it you Asswipe?

Asswipe: Master Gentatsu, we've been over this. Its pronounce Oz-we-pay.

Gentatsu: Shut up, Asswipe.

(The two armies clash, Gentatsu kills two of the guards.)

Deep Voice Narration: OWNAGE!

Gentatsu: Hehe...n00bs.

(OWNAGE, again. Kenshin's feet are shown.)

Kenshin: Were you looking for someone a bit more 31337(elite)?

(Kenshin kills two more people)

Kenshin: Because I'm a level 99 Wandering Samurai, that I am.

(Gentatsu and Kenshin fight. Gentatsu strikes and slices through the bamboo)

Gentatsu: How the hell did we get here?

Kenshin: I believe you just got bamboo'd.

(Kenshin falls and slices through Gentatsu)

Kenshin(while falling): El Kabong!

Gentatsu: Saving throw! Saving throw!

(Everything is silent as it appears that Kenshin kills Gentatsu.)

Kenshin: That's how I roll.

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I guess there's some good stuff in this scene, like the "asswipe/ozwepay" joke. The "bamboo'd" line(a variation of NTAS' LOGGED!) could go either way.

But what stands out to me is the 1337 haxxorz WOW references that not only did not belong in a parody of a show set in 1870's Japan, but also I just did not understand and was using wrong the entire time. Eh. Plus I refrain from using the word "g-damnit" now, so that kinda gets at me. The immaturity of the thing really sticks out.

This probably isn't the best example for a fail script, but I only have what I have on me as resources.